Love Makes You....Comfortable

There is an old saying that love makes you fat.  Well, only YOU can make yourself fat (no, it's not McDonalds' fault)!  I don't buy into it.  I think love makes you comfortable, if only a little TOO comfortable.  

Most women are very hush-hush about weight.  I understand.  It's a sensitive subject.  I've gained and lost more than my fair share of pounds.  I didn't get my mother's wonderful metabolism.  If I don't watch what I eat and exercise, I can get into some serious trouble.  But I've managed to lose what I've gained throughout the years.  Most recently, during my second year of medical school, I shed 60 pounds in about 5 months.  There was no secret (many people did ask though)!  It was just many long hours at the gym and carefully tracking what I ate.  Around that time, Dann and I started dating.  I managed to hold off gaining weight for a few months, and then step 1 of the medical licensing boards hit.  I am definitely a stress eater.  When I would get a low score on a practice exam, I would eat M&Ms.  LOTS of M&Ms.  I stopped working out during third year.  I convinced myself I simply did not have time.  I thought I could just eat "healthy".  Unfortunately, once I lost a little motivation, I seemed to lose it all.  I went from barely eating out to wondering what I could eat each meal (Chinese?  Indian?  Blanc Burgers!?)  Slowly, weight came back on.  Right before my last dress fitting for our wedding, I realized I had gained nearly half of the weight back that I'd lost.  That's right - 28 pounds.  I am not afraid of numbers, but that sure hurt to see that I was almost halfway back to where I topped off.  On April 15, I went in to the fitting sobbing, and came out even more of a hysterical mess - I realized the dress would not zip, with about one month before the wedding.  That is what you would call a wake-up call.  The seamstress told me she could let the dress out.  I wasn't even listening - I was already formulating my own plan.

I realized I do not want to play these games my entire life.  Gain 10, lose 10.  Gain 60 (courtesy of my idiocy during college), lose 60.  Gain 28, lose...you get the drift.  So I promised myself after that fitting that I would get healthy.  I would not lose weight to look good, and I would not be just doing it for the wedding.  It is a great motivating factor, but it's for more than that.  It's to feel good, it's to be comfortable in my own skin, and it's to not be hypocritical when I tell patients to lead healthy lives.

I refuse to use this blog as a weight loss archive (how boring!!)  I will tell you that I am back to a healthy start.  After my last rotation of medical school ended, I got serious about getting back in shape.  My new best friend is my elliptical trainer.  (I can't tell you how nice it is to carve a block of time just long enough to catch up on Gossip Girl and sweat at the same time, all in the comfort of your own basement)!  I eat small meals frequently throughout the day.  I've noticed that working out motivates me to eat healthier (double motivation)!  I am not on any crazy diet, and I don't believe in starving.  But I do believe in keeping track and holding yourself accountable for the choices you make (thanks to Livestrong which has a great calorie tracker, I can no longer guess that a meal *might* have only 200 calories when it really has 600)!  I have been living in denial for the past year or so.  I guess I had hoped the scale was wrong, my clothes I was growing out of were just shrinking in the laundry, and that somehow I would magically stay fit without putting any kind of effort into it.  I am lucky I had a brutal dress fitting to help me realize I need to be healthier.  Without this big day in less than a month (and the lure of scrubs to keep me from ever feeling a real waistband again) I might have never seen what kind of road I was on, yet again.  I also know that residency will be very stressful, and I need to learn to handle my stress without shoving Oreos in my mouth.  I have often wished I was a person who would become stressed and not eat!  I know it sounds crazy, but I think it would be a great problem to have!  I also feel a bit foolish posting this blog, but it's been on my mind for the past couple of weeks. I know many people must understand, on some level, what I've felt.  How many times can you hear a "Slim4Life, 30 pounds in 30 days" commercial without thinking every single American must be obese!?!

Today, my wedding dress (purchased many months ago) zipped right up.  It was exhilarating to see results in such a short time.  I am excited to be more fit and healthy as Dann and I start our lives together.  I know that he will love me, 120 pounds or 300 pounds (of course, he's seen me at 120, not at 300, but I'll just assume).  But for myself, I want to be fit and FEEL well.  Love doesn't make you fat.  Neither does Blanc Burger and their heavenly truffle fries.  No one forces you to stop working out.  It is all about personal choices, and I'm hoping I can keep making better ones.